Weight. What?

To weigh or not to weigh has become a recurrent thought for me. I have had weight issues most of my life. My sister is in a word, petite. I, in a word, am not. I’ve always been bigger and heavier, and as such, I’ve always been the target of jokes, comments, and outright insults.

I would love to be able to eat anything I want and not worry about my weight, but that has never been the case. I was very active when I was young, and even then I was heavy. Now with age and debilitating anxiety reducing my activity level, my weight has steadily climbed over the years. I’m trying to be more active, and slowly succeeding in small increments.  I don’t see myself as ever becoming an athlete, but active and healthy are what I’m striving for.

For several years I have only been weighed when I go to my doctor’s office for a checkup. Lately, I have been more active and have been eating better. I added more fruits and vegetables to my meals and have been walking more. I feel thinner, and think my clothes are a bit baggier. This may be my imagination though, since my usual fashion style is, dressed by ‘House of Blind Hobo’.

I am debating buying a scale to keep track of my weight. I know what my dream weight would be, and what my realistic healthy weight can be. I have no idea how close to that I am. My next checkup is in April. I’m torn between buying a scale and knowing how my progress is going either daily or a couple of times a week, versus knowing only twice a year.

My biggest reason for not buying the scale is I don’t want my weight to become an obsession. Something that is a distinct possibility, as I suffer from borderline OCD. Add to that a healthy dose of anxiety and depression and I could easily fall into the trap of becoming obsessed with my weight and beating myself up over any perceived failure in my goal to be active, healthy and at a lower weight.

My biggest reason to buy a scale and weigh myself is to take pride in whatever success I have when I have it. I am always too hard on myself and would welcome the chance to be proud of any achievement, no matter how small. But as I stated, I can easily overshadow and defeat that desire with self-doubt and criticism. My own negative voice routinely berates me with ridicule, and insults even louder than those of so many others’.

I genuinely don’t know what to do, even though I really want to know how much I weigh.

I’ve Had Better Days

I’ve had better days. Oh, I’ve had much worse than the last few weeks, but these last few weeks have just been a conglomeration of disappointment. I haven’t heard back from any of the jobs I’ve applied for. My lack of employment opportunities has led to an eagle-eyed watching of my finances.

This means I must pass on all the new Transformer toy releases. There will be no autographs from the upcoming Emerald City Comic Con and to be frank, no anything other than food. To make the finances more fun, we’re getting consecutive snow storms that I get to pay to have shoveled away.

 

I tried out for a voice part in a Transformers video and never heard back on that either. The parts were being given out last week.

 

And just to put that cherry on my disappointment sundae, I threw away my new asthma inhaler. I picked it up while cleaning, and since I had a bunch of stuff in my hand, I didn’t feel that it was the full one, and tossed it. Now I’ll have to pay out of pocket for the refill.

 

So no, there hasn’t been anything terribly wrong, just a lot of little disappointments that have led to a big bowl of down in the dumps soup.

Exponential Floof

I have an English Mastiff, Rodimus. English Mastiffs are giants in the dog world and everything about them is huge. This would include the exponential floofing that happens every dang day. What do I mean by exponential floofing? I mean Rodimus sheds so much it looks like several Pekinese exploded in my house.

My Dirt Devil has become my trusted companion. Every day we wage war on the incoming flood of floof. To add to the joy of the daily floof fight, Rodimus must attack my vacuum. One would think he’d get used to the vacuum cleaner since I use it every day. Alas, not my giant guardian. Without fail, he flops on his belly and bites the Dirt Devil as it bravely battles the incoming armada of floof. When he is truly on his game, Rodimus lunges up and bites the hose.  Fortunately he has yet to land a death bite.

There is floof all over my house. No sooner do I vacuum it out of one room, I swear it breeds more floof in another room. When I am done writing this blog post, I shall wage today’s war on floof. Rodimus shall resume his war on my trusty Dirt Devil, but together Dirt Devil and I shall battle on in the never ending war on floof.

Yay Mastiffs.

 

Goodbye Opportunity

Mars Rover Opportunity has died. After eight months of trying, as of yesterday, February 13, 2019, NASA is no longer going to try to contact the little rover. They are calling her mission complete.

For many of us, myself included, the end of Opportunity is a sad day. It is not just a machine that has stopped working. It is the death of a little rover who did so much. Mars has been the planet of our science fiction stories, comic books and movies.  Oppy and the other rovers let us see that planet as it truly is. Oppy showed us a Mars’ sunset, what the solar eclipse looked like from Mars; Mars’ rocks and dust storms. Her own tread marks in the sand.

I felt the same sadness when Opportunity’s sister rover, Spirit died. Her wheel stuck and with no way to maneuver herself to the North Ridge for sunlight, Spirit’s solar cells could no longer access the sunlight needed to power her battery and she ceased to function.

I sat watching the live feed from NASA as Cassini’s final moments happened. The Saturn probe plummeting towards Saturn, while trying to keep its antennas pointed towards Earth.

I was and am saddened by the loss of all three. I dread to think about the end of Hubble’s function. The images of space the telescope has sent back to Earth have been nothing short of spectacular and breathtaking.

I know many people don’t understand my sadness at the little rover’s passing, and that’s fine with me. To me they were more than an engineered collection of wires, computer chips and motherboards. They were a window to space; a way to see the cosmos and the endless wonder of the universe.  A place I long to see myself.

I thank Cassini, Sojourner, Spirit, Opportunity and wish Curiosity safe travels as he makes his way across Mars.

Goodbye, Opportunity. Your ninety day mission turned into fifteen years of discovery and fascination.

Five Years

I applied for a job as a writer of geeky toys today. As part of the application process, I had to provide writing samples, so I gave them my blog address. It was rather embarrassing to see that I have neglected my blog for five years; five whole years of nothing.

It is rather shocking that someone who is as opinionated, outspoken, and chatty as I am, has said nothing on her blog for so long. I love talking all things geeky, nerdy, Transformery. Whether I get the job or not, I full well intend to revive my blog and chat about geeky things I love, even if I’m talking to myself. After five years of neglect, I’m pretty sure I’ll be the only one reading this blog. Anyone who was reading it, must have given up on the endless amount of nothing by now.